Sunday, December 14, 2014

Funny Things My Kids Say

Since the last few post topics have been somewhat heavy, I wanted to lighten things up a bit.  I gathered a few stories that my children have said over the years and put them all in one piece.  These kids crack me up!  

I'm hoping other people will benefit from the side-splitting laughter my kids provide me. File some of these stories under Never a Dull Moment and others under My Kids Say the Funniest Things.  

Enjoy!

xo, Cat

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Fridge art.  
Thank you so much, Little Buddy.  Really.  Thank you. 

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Littlest Pickle:  Mom, I can hear my heart beeping when I run.  It beep, beep, beeps!

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Little Buddy:  Mom, can boys do ballet?

Me:  Yep, they can. 

Little Buddy:  I bet they are called ballerinuts. 

Me:  <stifling laughter>

Little Buddy:  They are nutjobs!  Ha ha ha ha ha hahaha!

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There's always a party going on over here!
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Little Buddy upon observing geese flying south in formation:

Mom!  They are flying in a v-formation!  V for vacation!

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This one can be filed in Lost in Translation:

Eenie meanie miney moe.  Touch a finger to its toe.  If it hollers let it go.  Meanie meanie miney moe. 

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This one can be filed in Lost in Translation also.  Or in Just Plain Confused:

Izzy:  Mom, did you know that honey comes from bears.  No, wait.  Bears come from honey.  

<thinking, thinking, thinking>  

Bears don't come from honey!!!  

Mom?


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I. Am. A. Robot.  
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Overheard one day at the breakfast table when Izzy was 5-years old:

Izzy to Big Sis:  You're almost a Mom.  You're getting big, like almost 14-years old! 

Me:  What?!

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"When I pull my lee-bees, my arm comes out!"

The Littlest Pickle, back when she was 3-years old on how exciting it is to see what happens when she pulls her arm out of her sleeve. 

lee-bees....so cute!

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When I asked the Littlest Pickle why she wasn't holding the boo boo ice on her owie, she said, "You need to do it.  I'm busy.  I'm sucking my thumb." 

Alrighty then.  

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New words from the Littlest Pickle right before her third birthday:

hanglebar (hamburger, what else?!)
befront (as in the opposite of behind)
beback (as in the opposite of befront)
sprinkleoh (as in lightly raining...sprinkling)

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Ronan got up late today and was sluggish at breakfast.  He signed waffle when he sat down at the table after I asked him what he wanted to eat.  I told him that we also have pancakes.  Would he like a pancake instead?  Ronan signed "yes" and reached for his voice output device to type something.  He typed NOW.  And then smiled right at me.  

Little stinker!

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Izzy:  (back when she was 5; looking sad) I just want to be a Mommy.

Me:  What?

Izzy:  I just want to.

Me:  Well, you can one day.  Find your husband first.

Izzy:  <perking up> Will YOU help me find him?

Me:  <smiling> Yes! 

Izzy:  Well, not right now.  Okay?  I'm too little.



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Littlest Pickle:  Mommy, why is there air in my nose?

Me:  So you can breathe.

Littlest Pickle:  Oh, I feel it.

Me:  Good!

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Me: Izzy, why does Mary have a feather boa?

Izzy:  To keep her warm.  
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Another Never a Dull Moment with these crazy kids.  This was part of a dinner convo one night:

Little Buddy to Big Sis:  I see your asparagus?

Big Sis:  You mean my green beans?

Little Buddy:  No, your...what's it called again?

Big Sis:  My epidermis.  Ha ha.


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Every.  Single.  Time.

Every single time the kids ask me what time it is, I look at the clock and tell them the time.  Every single time I do that they say, "No...it's time to get ill!"  Then they laugh and laugh.  You'd think I'd learn, but nope.  It just happened again tonight.  

Little Buddy:  Mom, what time is it?

Me:  It's almost 10 o'clock...

Before I could add, "Now, GO TO SLEEP!" 

Little Buddy:  No, Mom.  It's time to get ill.

Ahhhhhhh!!!!

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Izzy:  "Mom, because you're so old and I'm not....are you gonna die before me?" 

Um, thanks?

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I almost made it through the day.  But after last night's amazingly painful events with Ronan (trying to keep the pulse ox machine from beeping every three minutes but couldn't, so it beeped on and off for eight hours straight) I absolutely had to take a nap.  Oops.  I slept through dinner prep.  I called my sister to chit chat while I got stuff ready to make fajitas, but she suggested this as a quick and easy dinner idea instead.  I LOVE it.  My sister wins the Awesome Sister Award again!


Zombies like brains.  RUN!!!

Postscript:  The best part of this night was that the kids actually went all over the house looking for a plate of food.  It took them ten minutes to realize that dinner wasn't close to being ready yet :)

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We took the kids out to dinner to celebrate good report cards.  The kids could order anything off the menu, so Izzy decided to order breakfast.  When the waiter asked her some questions about her meal, we couldn't help but smile.

Waiter:  Your pancakes come with eggs.  How do you like them?

Izzy:  Eggs?  I like them a lot!

Waiter:  <tries again>  Do you parents cook you eggs at home?

Izzy:  Yes!

Waiter:  How do they cook the eggs for you?

Izzy:  Good.

Waiter:  ???

I interject:  Iz, you like scrambled, right?

Izzy:  Oh, yes, I want 'Daddy eggs'.

Waiter:  ???

Me:  That'll be scrambled eggs for the little girl, thanks.
  
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Me, looking like a scrub in my jammies, with hair up to here (think Flock of Seagulls), hears this from my oldest:

Big Sis:  You look so young and so beautiful!

Me:  As opposed to when I look old and ugly?


Big Sis:  Mom!



I love my kids.

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Guns 'N Roses was playing on the radio when the Littlest Pickle (aged 4 at the time) and I were running here, there and everywhere.

Littlest Pickle:  It's a girl sounding like a boy...but then he's a boy sounding like a girl.

Me:  He's a boy, honey.  Singing like that is part of his gig.

Littlest Pickle:  He thinks he's cool. <long pause>  But he's not.


Me: Yeah.  He thinks his poop don't stink.

Littlest Pickle:  But it does.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  

Love that sweet child o' mine.

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We were talking with my parents about some Church music when Izzy chimed in the conversation.  

Izzy:  Oh, I know that song.  My teacher taught it to us.  

Papa:  Do you know if it was a hymn?

Izzy:  No, it was a her.

Silence.  Silence.  Peals of laughter. 

Izzy:  Why are you laughing?

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We had another "can't help but laugh" conversation last weekend.  That's where I try so very hard to be the serious mom but bust up laughing right along with the kids.  Here is how that conversation went:

Little Buddy:  There's a pickle in my pants.  I have a pickle in my pants.

Me:  Don't you EVER say that!  People will think you are talking about your...your..your...!


Little Buddy:  Mom, it IS a pickle...it was a pickle from my sandwich.  It fell into my pocket.


Ahhhhhhhhh!!!! 

He then began to sing P-I-M-P Pickle in My Pants to the same tune as the song Candace sings.  

Crazy kid!

And ha ha ha!!!





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