Friday, August 21, 2015


A friend shared that she had a dream and that Ronan was in it.  Before I could ask her what it was about, Izzy, my 9-year old interrupted, "Ronan could talk in your dream, couldn't he?"

The friend nodded excitedly and said, "YES!  He could!"

Izzy said, "Everybody who dreams about Ronan dreams that he can talk."

I added, "And they say it's not just one or two words he says.  At least 20 friends have shared that it's been ..."

"...a whole conversation!" my friend excitedly finished the sentence for me.

Yes, a whole conversation. 

My friend was was one of the lucky ones.  She got to hear Ronan talk.  Not just talk - he talked to her and with her.  Can you imagine?  A whole conversation with my non-verbal child.  I would be over the moon if that really happened!

I dream for the day that Ronan can talk to me.  I don't mean fall-asleep-and-dream-about-it.  I mean I dream as in I hope, and pray, and pine, and plead, and wait (impatiently) for that day to one day come. 

Before Ronan lost his speech, he had only just started to talk.  We've experienced more silence than functional, verbal language though.  A few typical words here, mama, dada, and another one there, -oggy for Doggy, -ight for light.  During that time, Ronan had never--and still has never, spoken a whole conversation.  Since losing speech, he has randomly said four sentences in the past, but those four sentences were uttered individually and spaced several years apart.  

Ronan can tell us he's sad, happy, and that something hurts, but he doesn't offer details, or share opinions, or share his hopes and dreams with us.  We're working daily to give Ronan a richer vocabulary, but detailed conversations others have dreamt about just don't happen.  Thankfully, Ronan can communicate in other ways.  He does that through sign and by typing.  He isn't having conversations yet, but he can sign and type several short sentences in a row.  That happens but only with tons of prompting, with lots of encouragement, and sometimes with a reward at the end of the dialogue.  

Back-and-forth convos.  I wish Ronan and I could have them. They could give me insight.  They could give me better understanding.  They could help me.  They could help him.  

The last dream that I had about Ronan was a good one.  I was watching him from across the room.  I couldn't hear him, but as I glanced across a high school cafeteria, I saw Ronan, who was a teenager, sitting with some boys.  The boys were clearly all friends.  They were doing typical teenage things--laughing, chatting, being part of a group that enjoyed each other's company.  All of them.  Including Ronan.  In that dream, Ronan wasn't just sitting next to those other typical teenage boys; he was one of those typical teenage boys.  

He, too, was laughing.  He, too, was chatting.  He, too, was enjoying their company.  And they were enjoying his.  

Being part of a group.  



It may have been just a dream, but it seemed real.  It felt like it was a glimpse into a future.  Wouldn't it be great if it really, really was?    
Wishes and dreams - may they someday come true.

xo, Cat

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