Friday, September 11, 2015

Finding Tomorrow

"The past. They cling to it. The present.  They work through it. The future. They very easily could resent how it was ripped to shreds and taken away that awful day ten years ago."

That was part of a reflection of thoughts I shared on the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks.  I, like many others, can instantly remember exactly where I was on that day.  I can recall the images.  I can feel the emotions.  I can imagine going back in time to that day wishing it had never happened.  

I often recall the past.  My head is full of memories--happy ones, sad ones, good one, and not so good ones.  I've made all sorts of wonderful memories.  But I can recall other kinds that I wish I could leave behind.  

I've been told that I should let the past go.  To not think about it.  To not dwell on it.  The past helps no one, Cat.  It's the future you should behold.  Aim for it!  Go forward, not backward.  I don't think I can do that though.  The past is a springboard to the future.  To forget it completely?  No way.  I don't think I can.  

Forget how sick Ronan was?
Forget how I watched Ronan start to slip away from me?
Forget how uneducated I was as a Mom?
Forget how I finally learned how to help my child?
Forget how I figured out how to stand up for my child?
Forget how I discovered hope?

To forget all of that, to say it never happened, to continue to live like I was--uneducated, uninformed, unaware--no, thank you.  If I did that, I wouldn't be where I am today.  

I choose to live in the present, but I can never, ever forget the past.   The past shapes the future.  I believe that it always has.  Tragic events such as 9/11 remind me of that.  From that day, much has changed.  I think differently.  I live differently.  But I, like so many others, will always remember.  We remember what happened because we never want to forget what happened and what could have been.  

Never Forget
What could have been.  Some people will never be given a chance to know what could have been.  I think that as much as we hear that we should let the past go, that we should move on, that it's better to forget the past and to cling to the future, that people forget it's the past that brings us forward.   

The past.  We're remembering it today.  Today, we're thinking about 9/11.  We're recalling exactly where we were.  We're replaying the images in our minds.  We're reliving the emotions.  Because as painful as it is to remember, we must never forget.  

9/11 will forever be ingrained in my memory.  So will the day that I discovered why my child got sick.  So will the day when I decided to do something to help him.  And so will the day that I choose hope.  

I remember.  I recall exactly where I was and what I was doing.  I feel the same emotions of that day, too.  I cannot forget that day, those thoughts and those feelings.  It's in remembering that that I know I'll be able create a path to find tomorrow. 

xo, Cat

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