Thursday, April 28, 2016

Nearly Exhausted

Once a month, I get an alert in my inbox.  Like clockwork, the company that we get Ronan's diapering supplies reminds me that it's almost time to re-order his supplies.  Since life is a tad bit busy for me, I appreciate that reminder.  

As usual, since it's almost time to submit that order, the email was sitting in my inbox.  As usual, though, I forgot to check my email.  I didn't miss out on placing the order because I got a phone call reminder about it this morning:

"Good morning!" a cheerful soul bellowed.  "I'm calling about Ronan's diapering supplies.  It looks like he's due for his next shipment.  Would you like me to push the order through?"

It was only 9:15 a.m. and way too early for me to be as chipper, especially on the phone and especially with a stranger.  Taken aback at how happy this person was made me smile though.  I wasn't about to be the one to squash her happiness, so I gleefully replied, "Oh, yes, please!  I was just thinking I should check to see if that email reminder had been sent. It's been just about a month since you all sent the last one, hasn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am.  It has," she concurred.  

"Well, then.  I'm glad you called," I said still smiling.

"So, same address, same phone number, same information as usual?" the representative inquired.

"That's right.  Everything is the same," I answered.

"Good!  So has Ronan nearly exhausted the supply we sent last month?" she inquired.

Nearly exhausted, like his mother? I wondered.

"Yep!" I said.

"Great!  Let's set this order to go through for him now," she said.

"Perfect!  Thank you," I added.

After saying good-bye and hanging up, I smiled once more.  What a great attitude that gal had.  She did her job well, and I could tell she was not just happy in her position but proud of the work she was doing.  I do my job well (most of the time), but I don't always have the best attitude.  I can tell, and those around me can also tell, too.  I know I need to work on that, so I mentally added Have a better attitude like the diapering service rep's attitude to my ever-growing To Do list.  Then I set my attention back on Ronan.  

I hadn't planned on driving Ronan to his appointment today, his therapist was going to, but she had a change in plans.  That meant that I now had a change in plans - my own. Instead of sauntering out for the one free hour I thought I'd have to myself this week, I had to scramble to get both of us ready to go.  Racing out the door as usual, I caught myself grumbling under my breath.

Ugh.  This is so hard.  Why does it feel like things are so hard all of the time?  This week has been insane.  Can't something go right for once, especially this week?  

Then it started to pour.  

Then, when we got to therapy, Ronan wouldn't get out of the car.  

Then, he shut down.  

Nothing worked to get him out of the car.  No redirecting.  No amount of encouragement.  No promises of if you do this (therapy), then you get to do that (free choice).  He would not budge at all.  Trying to keep myself dry from the rain that kept on raining down, I could feel what little positivity I had left drain right out of my body.  

Already having dealt with a 40-minute meltdown/stand off in a parking lot earlier in the week, I threw in the towel.  Stick a fork in me, Ronan.  Mom's done.  

I wasn't nearly exhausted in that moment, I was completely exhausted.  

I don't like that feeling.  It's a sad, depressing, horrible, and awful feeling.  Since I don't like to be stuck in that sad, depressing, horrible and awful place for too long, I rallied. Ronan rallied also.  

We left the therapy clinic and drove further into town.  I had to go grocery shopping.  That meant that Ronan had to go grocery shopping as well.  I didn't expect him to want to go, but the kid surprised the heck out of me.  Not only did he make it to the grocery store, then into the grocery store, then through the grocery store, and then all the way home from the grocery store, but he did all of that with zero incidents.  

Zero incidents!  


That kind of success isn't rare, but after the very long, tiring, and frustrating week we've had, that success helped refill my soul with hope.  I desperately needed that. 
Some people thinking I'm an always-hopeful-kinda-gal.  Some days, and some weeks - like this one, I am not.  Thankfully, things s-l-o-w-l-y seem to be turning around for the better.  I'm glad for that.  I know those around me will be glad for that, too. 

xo, Cat

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