Thursday, April 14, 2016

V is for Vaccines

My little blog is heavy on the vaccine posts lately.  That's because I've had more than a few reminders of vaccines this month.  The latest reminder was yesterday with De Niro's interview.  Those 9 minutes and 5 seconds were the highlight of my week!  It was thrilling, truly thrilling. 

Being the parent to a child with a vaccine injury brings all sorts of emotions - incredibly joyous emotions as well as ones accompanied by tears of anguish.  I experienced those tears of anguish late yesterday.  While sitting in that hot seat, De Niro was not the famous actor many know and admire.  He was a Dad - a passionate Dad to a young man with a vaccine injury.  As excited as I was to hear all that Bob had to say, my heart ached.  It ached for my child and for so many of my friends' children.  It also ached for the De Niro's child.   

Coming to the realization that vaccines played some role in one's child's health isn't easy.  I imagine that De Niro and his wife have gone through similar emotions and struggles that I and many other parents of vaccine injured kids have gone through.  I imagine that they, too, questioned, doubted.  I wouldn't be surprised if they blamed themselves or the vaccine industry, too.  People tell me not to do that.  They add, "How could you know?  You were doing what you thought was right.  You did what you did with the information you had."  Hearing those responses helps me refocus my energy on Ronan and my role in supporting him. If I dwell too long on the past and when I remember how Ronan tumbled slow and steadily on the spectrum, which I'm guilty of doing, I'm filled with moments of despair.  

Deep, dark despair.  That and the regret.  The pain.  The frustration.  That all keeps the roller coaster of emotions going full speed 'round the track.  

I've had my fair share of those hard to handle emotions.  A lot of parents have as well.  Thankfully, I've had my fill of other ones, too.  The hopeful.  The happy.  The over-the-moon excited.  Those moments have me smiling from ear-to-ear.  They are good and welcomed reminders and that help keep me going.  

The film they don't want you to see.
Yesterday's interview, despite the overwhelming response of sadness that fell over me, was filled with a moment of hope.  Robert De Niro's family made a statement - vaccines did something.  They want people to know that.  They want people to watch the film Vaxxed, they want the public to have the chance to hear the buzzwords, words like CDC, pharmaceutical companies, Trace Amounts, safe vaccines, investigate, vaccines are dangerous, not a closed issue, my kid changed overnight, there is a link, thimerosal, mercury based preservative, let's find out the truth...  

The truth.  Yes.  Let's hear more about it.    

After watching the Today Show interview, some may feel that V could stand for Vindication - De Niro confirmed what a lot of parents know as the truth.  Vindication would be nice.  It would validate so much. But today, V is still for Vaccines.  My hope is that one day, V will stand for Victory - a victory over the vaccine industry and the clutches it has over our children's health and their well-being.  That day will come.  I do believe that it will.  Until it does, there's much still yet to be done.  So, let's keep speaking up.  Let's keep sharing our story and our children's stories.  Let's keep the conversation going.  As tiresome as it can be, it's going to be up to us to keep the vaccine conversation going.  

xo, Cat


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