Monday, October 24, 2016

Hit Hard

So, there I was minding my own business at our little police station (I had to drop off some stuff) when I found myself in the back of the station.  While waiting for the young police officer so I could give him some paperwork, I glanced over and see this paper that I made for them a few years ago.  Hanging on their bulletin board, it's there because Ronan is considered a "person of interest".
My first response when I saw the paper and Ronan's picture was, "Hey! That's my kid!" and I'm all sorts of smiling.
In returns the young officer and I say to him, "Hey! That's my kid!" all sorts of proud again.  Then, it hits me.

That's my kid.
And he's on the police bulletin board.
Because he's a person of interest.
He's no criminal, but they need to know who Ronan is.  They need to know what he can and what he can't do if ever there is any kind of emergency - medical or otherwise.
The officer said, "Yeah, I know him.  I remember my first encounter with your son... He needed help, and I was there to get him home."  I remembered that day and how frustrating it was.  It was a bad, bad day.  But he was there, this young guy.  He was ready, willing and able to help because he knew who Ronan was and because he knew that Ronan needed help.
After taking care of the paperwork and thanking the guy for his help - not just today's assistance but for being on-call for those few 9-1-1 moments we've actually had, I get hit hard with the emotions.  I mean hard.  Can I just tell you how hard it was not to cry while making my way from the back the police station to the car?  It was SO hard.
Keeping myself from losing it in the parking lot, I started the car and turned on the radio.  As I'm about to pull away, this song came on.  And I lost it.
It's randomly played before after other really tough moments and usually brings on the waterworks.  Well, cue the tears. Down they streamed over my cheeks.
Raising a child with special needs is so hard.  SO hard.  I try harder to find something positive or hopeful.  But when I can't see positive or remain even the tiniest bit hopeful, I can't help but cry.  Like I did today.  
I hope that tomorrow is a better day.  I really do.  

xo, Cat

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